Thursday, 10 February 2011

@ Phil - response to your comment

I was reading the comment you wrote on my three act post, about the storyline being too literal. I completely agree with this because the way I was going was leaving me with very little development storyline. I also agreed with the lack of connection between the train as a set and the sword swallower. Whilst walking home I had a couple of ideas flowing through my head, and those ideas also slowly developed as I walked. When you mentioned that the sword swallow doesn't literally have to be a sword swallow, it could just be a short period of time where something is accidentally swallowed. This got me thinking into what area I could go into for a new idea. At first I came up with an idea of having a baseball game, where the pitcher would throw the ball to the batsman, where then the ball is smacked back at the pitcher, causing it to go into his throat. But with this idea, I can't see there being any form of train but a possible camera.
With your idea of being subtle in the storyline in the sense of my 'lucky dip' it lead me to think that I don't want the set to be a train but rather have a train on set. Combining these two as well as visual research of a cartoon golfer in a shop window, I came up with the following story...
The story will be about a golfer, the golfer is will be dressed in the required clothes to be allowed in a golf club. basically, cardigan, studded shoes, shirt and checkered trousers. The story unfolds in a crazy golf course, but the way the beginning is filmed, the audience are pulled in to a sense of the scene being an actual 18 hole course. This main character will do every hole, starting with the windmill hole 1. He will successfully putt all holes until he reaches the 18th. Throughout the putting, families around the course are looking at him in wonder and awe. The 18th hole is a long stretched of green and a train set at the bottem with two tunnels. As his shot reaches the train, the train will come out of one tunnel hit the ball (rebounding that ball) and will enter the other tunnel. The golfer is a little frustrated due to his first miss of the day, he'll attempt it again, but the same thing happens. At this point the golfer is highly frustrated, and uses a big swing to hit the ball back down the green. The ball will rebound of the train, come back at him, it will go through his mouth and hit the back of his throat bounce back and hit one of the other objected holes (i.e windmill). This could be where there is  aview from a security camera, and the ball wizzes past and hits a child in the head. Again the ball will rebound again and again, eventaully coming over the head of the golfer and landing on the green, bouncing and slowing rolling along the green. The ball then missed the train and goes in the hole.
For this story I can imagine a dramatic entrance, to cause the sense of being somewhere important and I want to make it look as if the golfer is highly sucessful until we see where he is.

I really like this idea, and it gives me a lot more freedom with creation and development than the last story. Please let me know what you think and if you have any improvements that I could add.

1 comment:

  1. I'm not sold on this; my point about the 'sword-swallower' wasn't that you exclude it, but rather that your character could 'become' a sword swallower during the course of the story (i.e. he ends up swallowing a sword). And the idea of the security camera just feels tacked on here.


    Maybe you need to think about a particular period in which to set your story; for example, you set your story in the wild west (Victorian era) - famous for its great big locomotives - and those big tripod cameras with the three legs; maybe, a famous sword-swallower is arriving off a train to perform in a small american town and everyone has gathered at the station to meet him - including the photographer from the local rag...