Up to this point the development of my possible storyline hadn't gone the way I would have like it to. So to cure that I used the advantage of having a writing partner. Paul and I got together earlier and dicussed more possible ideas about where I could take this storytelling unit. Keeping in mind about Phil's comment, we tried to find away to bring the train into more of a focus and use its potential as a machine to create a story.
Together we came up with a few ideas that we bounced of eachother and tried narrowing those ideas down and also putting some together. What we also did was try to find problems in the story that might lead it to not be at it's full potential. What we came up with is in the following Step Outline;
Scene opens up in a old Western desert, zooming in slowly up to a train speeding down a track. Further down the track will be a person tided up on a platform that is on the track. This train will be hurtling towards the captive on the track, the train is driven by a retired sword swallow with a thirst for vengence. Attatched to the front of the train is the sword he used in his acts. Also at the front of the train is a camera. In a short amount of time the train will drive into the captive, just before contact is made the camera will shoot a photo. (to save this from being gruesome, we wont see the sword of train actually hit the victim, but it will be played in such a way that the viewer will assume it happened. this scene will fade out.
A new scene will fade back in. The new scene is in a red light room the living quarters of the retired sword swallower. He'll remove a newly developed image some water in a bowl. This image is the photo of the face of the captive taken from the front of the train. He'll pin this photo onto the wall, surrounding this photo will be other photos that are simular but with different people in each image. We'll follow the retired sword swallower out of the room, passing some newpaper articles that have photos of critics att he top of an article they wrote. These critics will be the same people in the shocking images from before. The last thing we see is the title of the last article ( writen by the last victim) saying something like 'what a failure!' with an image of the sword swallower looking foolish.
As we exit the room we see a quick glance of a train track with a small figure on the track with the train coming at him. ( showing he has planned this )
I really like this idea, we came up with a lot in such a small time. I know there is loose ends that need tidying up but i'm looking to develop it further. I interested in painting the set of a western desert area, I think the colours could be beautiful to work with. I'm also looking forward to creating a very dramatic scene with the train. There is so much in this idea that make it flurish.