I wanted to use a one liner gag from a comedy that I have grown up watching so that it has a connection to me. I have started by looking at comedians like Stewart Francis, Tim Vine, Milton Jones, Lee Mack and Peter Kay. These are some of my favourites:
Stewart Francis -
- I went into a library and asked the librarian if she had a book called "how to handle rejection without killing........ do you have it?"
- I always wondered, "why does a Frisbee seem bigger the closer it gets...... then it hit me"
- "I got told by the doctors that I was infertile and that I couldn't have children, three weeks later my girlfriend was pregnant! who's the daddy!.........."
- I was in Dixons today and a woman came up to me and said, "hey your that mad bloke off the telly", I said "Yep that's me!", She said, "No your that mad bloke, OFF the telly"
- I used to believe that sticks and stone could break my bones but words could never hurt me..... Until I fell into a printing press.
- If your being interrogated by the police and it is being recorded, every now and then you should clap and go AOW!
- I tell you what is a dangerous insect - Hepatitis B
- I tell you what is a dangerous sea to swim in - Hepatitis C
- What do Mexican's put under their carpet - Underlay
- My wife said to me the other day, "you don't take me anywhere expencive anymore", I said "Get your coat on, we're going out" She said, "where we going?"... "The Petrol Station"
- A woman went to the doctors with a piece of lettice sticking out of her knickers, the doctor said, "that looks nasty", she said "It's the tip of the Iceberg"
- A fella says to his wife, "Why don't you tell me when you orgasm", She said " I don't like ringing you when your at work"