Tuesday, 16 October 2012

The Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman

I want to start my research by looking up some iconic jokes. What came to mind was the Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman jokes that are knocking around.

This is some of the jokes that I found that could be interesting to do:


A Scotsman, an Irishman, and an Englishman are each sentenced to a year in solitary confinement; before being locked away, each is to be granted a year's supply of whatever he wants to help him get through the long, long spell alone.
  • The Scotsman asks for a year's supply of whisky; it's given to him and he's locked away.
  • The Irishman asks for a year's supply of Guinness so he's locked up with several thousand bottles of it.
  • The Englishman asks for a year's supply of cigarettes and he's given a pile of cartons and the cell door is shut on him.
One year later, the doors are all unlocked.
  • The Scotsman staggers out and shouts, 'I'm free!' and then keels over dead from alcohol poisoning.
  • The Irishman is dragged out into the light, whereupon he promptly dies of liver failure.
  • When the door to the Englishman's cell is opened, everybody watches eagerly to see what sort of a wreck the man has made of himself.

    To their surprise, he walks right out the door, sidles up to the first person he sees, and asks, 'I say you wouldn't happen to have a match, would you?'


 An Englishman, a Welshman and an Irishman were at the fair and about to go on the helter-skelter when an old witch steps in front of them. 

'This is a magic ride,' she says. 'You will land in whatever you shout out on the way down.'
'I'm game for this,' says Dai, the Welshman, and slides down the helter-skelter shouting 'GOLD!' at the top of his voice.  Sure enough, when he hit the bottom he found himself surrounded by thousands of pounds worth of gold coins. 

William, the Englishman, goes next and shouts 'SILVER!' at the top of his voice.  At the bottom he lands in more silver coinage than he can carry. 

Patrick, the Irishman, goes last and, launching himself from the top of the slide shouts 'WEEEEEEE!' 


An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are driving through the desert when their car breaks down. So they have to get out.

The Englishman takes a bottle of wine with him, the Scotsman takes an umbrella and the Irishman takes a car door.

On the way they meet this old bastard. He says to the Englishman "I know why you've got the wine so you can have a drink when your thirsty", He says to the Scotsman "I know why you've got the umbrella to keep the sun off you", "but" he says to the Irishman "Why have you got the car door?" and the Irishman replies "If I get hot I can wind the window down!"

The beauty of using this kind of joke is that I get to create a simple yet iconic character for each nation, which I guess could be the same model just with a twist on each one. 


  1. Hi Chris

    I suggest finding simpler 'one liner' gags and less focused national stereotypes - e.g Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman.